squidpants

so i was reading some news stories about terrorism and whatnot and was reminded of "The Secret Organization of Al Qaeda in Europe." That is probably the stupidest, least threatening terrorist group name ever. First off, if the name of your group has the word "secret" in it, then it's automatically not secret anymore. That's moronic. It sounds like a name 8 year-olds would come up with - "Hey guys, let's make a secret club! Let's call it the Secret Awesome Cool Guys Club! No Girls Allowed!"

And then they added "In Europe." What's the point of that? Isn't Al Qaeda already an international terror network, supposedly? It makes me think that there was already a group called "The Secret Organization of Al Qaeda" but that group wouldn't let these guys join it. Then these doofuses couldn't think of any better name for their group. "How about The More Secreter Organization of Al Qaeda? No. The Secret Organization of Al Qaeda, Part 2? No." It's like they're Al Qaeda's minor league team. These guys are the Pawtucket Red Sox.

It all adds up to a ridiculously unwieldy name. The name of your terrorist group really shouldn't be longer than many sentences. What if you were in this stupid-ass group, trying to do some hit-and-run tactics or something, and you tried to yell out what group you were in? You'd get shot by the 10th syllable. "Long live the Secret Organiza-" blam blam!

I would understand if their name spelled out a scary "Get Smart"-style acronym, like CONTROL or KAOS or UNCLE, but it doesn't. It spells SOOAQIE. "Oh no! It's Soo-acky!" What happened to good old terrorist group names, like the Fists of Righteous Harmony, the Shining Path, and the Black Hand? Even the Red Army Faction is a little scary sounding. You can't just put "Al Qaida" in your name and think your name is frightening. "We're the American Al Qaida Super Explosion Mean Guy Brigade of America! Watch out!"