so i think i have discovered the worst blog ever. i can't understand half of it because it's in some kind of nerd language that the writer assumes you understand, and the other half is just annoying and/or pointless. for example, here is one entire entry:

I'd like some pumpkin pie now, kthnx.

what the hell? i don't fucking care if you want pie. are you sending your order at a restaurant via a blog? damn. every entry (that i can understand) is basically "ooh please comment on what stupid crap i am writing, i need attention!" what a waste of space on the web (which is saying a lot, since it's, you know, infinite.) i mean, i'd rather look at pop-ups for car loans and wireless surveillance cameras than read that shitty-ass piece of shit. except that it's kind of fun for a minute or two, like "how much worse can this get?"

here it is

also, check out her music choices. that would be some good stuff, if it were opposite day.

well, i guess not everyone can write jokes about poop. i'm sure she is a nice girl and i wish her well and stuff.


so one of my roommates is moving out and i am not having a lot of luck finding someone to replace her. so i am going to write MTV and ask for one of their real world rejects:

Dear MTV,
One of my roommates is moving out and my other roommate and I were wondering if you could send us one of the rejects or back-ups from the Real World. I know there must be lots of back-ups, because sometimes when people leave, like that boring female cop on the first or second season, new people come in. And there are people who probably just missed getting on the show but are still pretty cool. We would prefer that you send us one of the "hot chick" or the "exhibitionist chick" characters, but the "funny guy" role would be ok too. Please do not send us the small town close-minded person, or the grumpy guy, the whiny girl, or the alcoholic. If you want to film our house, that would be allright too.



so it appears i have made a new friend, or something. about a month ago this girl IMed me out of nowhere with "hey girl, do u like trevor????" i said "trevor who?" or something, and then decided to go with it for awhile "i dunno, he's allright" and stuff. i learned the girl iming me was named "krysta" and she thought i was somebody named tracey, because she said something like "tracey U R so crazy!!!", so i went with it for awhile and asked random questions, but nothing too revealing or anything. then i got bored and decided to say that I wasn't actually tracey and I don't know who you are, i.e. "i live in d.c. and i don't know who you are. why do i have all this weird stuff in my profile, huh, krysta?" which she thought was really funny and responded with "whatever girl, see u at school" and logged off. every now and then she'll IM me while i'm at work and say something about my away messages, which i assume don't make any sense to her since I am talking about looking for a roommate in adams morgan and going to basketball games and stuff. apparently she lives in michigan (at least that's what her AIM directory thing says). so the other day she imed me again, and i decided to save the conversation. good stuff. the stuff in parentheses are comments by me, they weren't in the conversation.

BurkeShire20: read my pro when u see this

Auto response from SQUIDPANTS: poop = best word ever

(her profile said "I am gonna make a book of tracey's random away messages, LOL!!!"

SQUIDPANTS: haha, cool
BurkeShire20: lol
SQUIDPANTS: except i'm not tracey
BurkeShire20: here we go again
SQUIDPANTS: haha. i'm serious.
SQUIDPANTS: who are you
SQUIDPANTS: doesn't it seem weird that none of my away messages make any sense to you
BurkeShire20: the qustion is who r u
BurkeShire20: ?
SQUIDPANTS: well you started iming me
SQUIDPANTS: my name is drew
SQUIDPANTS: i mean, steve
BurkeShire20: im sure
SQUIDPANTS: yah so what's up girl
SQUIDPANTS: you should put that novel on your website
(long pause)
SQUIDPANTS: alright, bye
BurkeShire20: bye drew
BurkeShire20: i mean steve
BurkeShire20: l oo
BurkeShire20: i need 2 use the lou
SQUIDPANTS: see ya samantha
SQUIDPANTS: those are blank
BurkeShire20: whoa, dude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BurkeShire20: who is samantha?
SQUIDPANTS: i dunno, who is drew or steve
BurkeShire20: u
BurkeShire20: dudey\]
BurkeShire20: tuti fruti
SQUIDPANTS: automatic bazooty
(those are some beck lyrics in my profile)
SQUIDPANTS: that's a beck song
BurkeShire20: lol tracey lol u suck at basketball
BurkeShire20: jk
SQUIDPANTS: whatever, they call me shaqette
BurkeShire20: sureeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
SQUIDPANTS: they call you krysta bryant. you know, like kobe
SQUIDPANTS: or that guy who is in jail for smoking pot all the time, that's you
BurkeShire20: your gay
BurkeShire20: l
BurkeShire20: o
BurkeShire20: l
SQUIDPANTS: damn you are mean
SQUIDPANTS: you make me sad :'(
BurkeShire20: meirdo
(i think she is trying to say "shit" in spanish here)
SQUIDPANTS: well, kolomdo to you
(that is nonsense)
SQUIDPANTS: hey what's your website again, i lost the address
(i figured i'd look at her website, if she has one, to have something to talk about)
BurkeShire20: ¿Por qué jura usted en mí? (i think this means "why are you swearing at me?")
SQUIDPANTS: que significa jura (what does "jura" mean?)
BurkeShire20: yo no tengo un sitio web (I don't have a website)
SQUIDPANTS: y es "mierdo", no "meirdo" (and it's "mierdo", not "meirdo")
SQUIDPANTS: creo que lo tienes (i believe that you have one)
BurkeShire20: ok
BurkeShire20: gtg eat
BurkeShire20: buh byew
BurkeShire20: bye
SQUIDPANTS: ok adios girl
BurkeShire20 signed off at 6:44:32 PM.

man, that is hours of fun. i considered saying something like "krysta, i don't know how to tell you this, but i've been attracted to you for a long time," but i figure that would probably be bad.


so this is more a list for myself, so you can ignore it if you want. i am considering going to these concerts soon:

fri nov 21: assrockers, shakedowns, high school hellcats - black cat, $7

sat nov 22: The Scratch Tour featuring The X-ecutioners • Z-Trip • Rahzel • Jazzy Jay • The Spooks, 9:30 club, 11pm Doors, $20

sun nov 23: Le Tigre w/ Out Hud & Aspera, $14

thurs dec 2: The RAPTURE, EL GUAPO, CASIOTONE & THE PAINFULLY ALONE black cat $12adv/$14day 8:30

MON DEC 15- AMERICAN ANALOG SET, THE ALBUM LEAF, 302 ACID black cat $10 mainstage 8:30

THUR DEC 18- FRENCH KICKS, ORANGES BAND, LA GUARDIA black cat $10 mainstage 8:30


so i am bored. i'm at work with not a lot to do and checked all my email and been to every website and bothered everybody on my buddy list. so i found this pretty cool website to pass my time with, artistdirect.com. it's a music site with biographies and discographies of pretty much every band ever, it's pretty interesting. i listen to netscape radio at work, which is like a streaming internet radio thing where you can pick different channels, like indie or old school rap or whatever, and when i hear a band i like but don't know much about, I check them out on artistdirect. pretty cool. and you can play the netscape radio from the site, you don't have to download anything, which is good. it has clued me into a lot of bands i've been hearing about but have never heard and some i had never heard of. to get there, just click "radio" on the top left on the main netscape page, netscape.com. it'll pop up the radio player and you are good to go. i like the "new indie", "indie rock mix", "indie rock" (which i guess is different than the indie rock mix), "90s alternative", "90's indie", "brit pop", and "old skool" channels. so that's how i spend a lot of time, in between maps, reading about weird bands and writing them down. i have a million post-its with random songs on them. mostly creed.

now it's time for a joke i made up:

what did elton john say when he joined the french army during world war II?

hold me closer, german panzer

it's funnier if you sing the punch line to the tune of "tiny dancer". ho ho ho.


so i bought these cheez-its today at the vending machine, but they taste like vietnamese food. kind of sucks. i was listening to the radio this morning, and they had triumph the insult comic dog on, that was pretty funny. for me to poop on!!! ahahaaha. bet you didn't see that coming. actually it was cool, but the dj guy on that station is weird. whenever somebody calls in and says bye, he always says exactly what they say. so if the person hangs up and says "talk to you later" he says "talk to you later," or if they say "love your show" he says "love your show" back, like when you are having an awkward conversation on the street and the when you are leaving, the person says "see you later" you automatically say the same thing back. but i dunno, it's odd. he's a dj, and and it doesn't seem like it's on purpose. or maybe all these people actually have their own radio shows and they just call each other to make their shows more interesting. "what do you do?" "oh, i get paid to call radio shows and say interesting stuff." "oh." and then i got avril lavigne stuck in my head, because i think she's awesome and punk and i was playing her cd and i have her poster over my bed. no actually that was the last song on the radio when i left. (and i was listening to that station because if i listen to stuff i like, you know, like the smooth jazz station, i will never get out of bed). i hate that, the last song i hear is always the one that gets stuck. why can't it be the best one. or at least the one that will annoy the most people when i sing it, like i am doing now. ho ho ho


so i found some more stupid spam crap. today i got an email with the subject "Re: plum unusual hermit forcefulness nucleic". what the hell is that? "oh, random words strung together, i should check that, it might be from my grandma with alzheimers." how could that ever work? well, i guess if they send a million of these they might get a real sentence like "i am having a party" or something, but it's still pretty ridiculous. why not at least try to make subjects that make sense? i guess i should get into spamming people since i keep thinking of stuff i avoid. i could write email subjects that people would actually read, such as "you gave me herpes, you asshole!"


so i'm really getting sick of spam in my email. and it's not even clever spam anymore that I might possibly open, it's so ridiculous that I can't believe people are reading it. "ooh! an email from uegfgajowumrx.com, I must know that person!!" or the ones that say "Pëñïš ēńľåřġęmĕʼnŧ", "ooh, that must be legit because of all of those funny looking letters!" obviously some idiots must be reading it or else they wouldn't be sending it, but damn! maybe instead of suing spammers, we should sue the morons who read the spam and make spammers think that what they are doing is working.


so it's time for more hilarious observations from work!!! yay!

first off, i don't like it when people talk to me when i'm in the bathroom at the urinal, especially people i don't know. to me, pissing is a private act, and i don't want to discuss it with anybody.
"how's it going, random person from the office?"
"pretty good man, just holding my penis."
"cool, me too"

i mean, nobody talks to you while pooping? why is it ok to do while peeing? weird.

also, i went to this new deli place near my work, and they didn't have french fries, which was odd. but the main thing is that they had a "san diego chicken sandwich". which i guess means they had a sandwich made of this. sounds delicious!