2/23/2007

so this is another reason why I liked Wikipedia. This was in the article about Loudon County, Tennessee, the county next to mine. I should note that I didn't write this.

Little known outside of the area of Loudon, Tennessee is an incident where the Nazi army invaded the small American town in an attempt to seize large amounts of the advanced technology of Atlantis. Adolf Hitler theorized that Atlantis had in fact sunk underground where Loudon was built on top of.

General Stephen Douglas, who also ran for the presidency under the Democratic ticket, commanded Allied forces while Felix the Cat, a cartoon character of the 1920s, headed the Nazi army.

When the town was faced with the blitzkrieg, panic erupted amongst the startled townspeople, mostly consisting of white Baptists and some niggers. As the Luftwaffe bombarded local churches and bars, General Douglas summoned the power of Godzilla, who easily swatted the planes from the air. As Godzilla's attempts to stop the Nazis proved to be fruitful, local folklore says the Felix the Cat screamed "BRIDENKREUGMENTARGENZ." Loudonians have sinced named a street accordingly in a mainly Hispanic neighborhood.

However, the Nazis exposed Godzilla's weakness as being blues music. They imported a famous Scotish blues singer, Smitty McWetBiscuits, who graciously wailed on a nearby church organ. Godzilla exploded in sound waves which secured the fact that all Loudonians contract testicular cancer (even in females) for the next four centuries. McWetBiscuits' gracious wailing was ended abruptly by Bruce Lee who just demanded plainly that he stop.

The battle ensued for over three months, the forces of Imperial Japan, Fascist Italy, Great Britain, and the USSR even being included in it. The battle ended when Jesus Christ emerged from the Heavens with the ancient Atlantian technology in hand. He forced each of the armies to their respective countries with a quirking of the brow and then erased everyone's memory with the help of an android Bigfoot nearby. This story is also told in Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, the Book of Mormon, and by indigeous Indian tribes in South Africa.

1 comment:

Jonathan R. Rees said...

You're more off the hook than me. Can I recommend a a good Shrink?