squidpants

so i had a good christmas and stuff and i was about to leave, but the plane i was in was waiting to take off. we had been waiting on the runway for a pretty long time, 20 minutes or something, and once we got in the air the pilot said something to the effect of "sorry we took so long on the ground, i will try to see if the air traffic controllers can give us a shortcut to make up some time." now i thought this was kind of weird: how can a plane make a shortcut? i mean i assume that pilots fly in a straight line from place to place, rather than flying in circles or trying to give passengers the scenic route or something. i mean, what did the pilot expect the air traffic controller to say? "flight 5104, to make up some time why don't you just fly through that mountain peak rather than over it? that should save a few minutes." i guess the pilot meant he wanted to speed up, but why not just say that? weird. also, the flight was cold as hell, which sucks. i think there was a damn hole in the plane where my feet were, because this freezing jet of air was blowing over them the entire flight. i told the stewardess, and she said she was sorry but that always happened, but then my bag got sucked out through the hole and i guess they got mad that i tried to stop up the hole with my carry-on so we had to land early and i had to talk to the security people. ok, that didn't happen, but it was cold and that sucked. i mean, you'd think plane designers would figure out that people don't wear snow boots on planes, so maybe they would prefer that cold air is not blown on their feet for the entire flight. why not blow it outside the plane?? man, that would be crazy. and furthermore, i think it's funny to watch the stewardesses (and stewards) do those arm motions during the beginning of the flight spiel, "there are two rear exits, two over the wings" etc, and they all do the same pointing motion with two fingers. looks like synchronized swimming.

well, since there were no real jokes in this one, here's a yo mama joke:

yo mama so ugly, she looks like she got hit with two bags of "what the fuck."