squidpants

So I was bumming around the internet and saw a news article about a big dog winning the Westminster dog show, which I guess is cool, because I don’t like little yappy dogs. Anyway, I was reading the article and I was reminded how stupid show dogs’ names are. The dog that won is called “Josh” but it’s real name is “Ch Darbydale's All Rise Pouchcove.” That sounds like a brand of yeast, not the name of a dog. And what is a Pouchcove? Why would you name anything that? And furthermore, how do you get “Josh” out of that? If you’re going to call a dog “Josh” and you insist on giving it a fancy long name why not make its real name “Joshua Smith,” or whatever your last name is. Or “Sir Joshua”? That sounds fancy and isn’t stupid. But then looking at the site some more, that dogs’ parents are named “Ch Midnight Lady's Especially For You” and “Ch Darbydale's Shake'm Up,” which are again more stupid-ass names. I understand a lot of these names incorporate the dog’s parents’ names, but still, those names were stupid to start with. And looking through the list of dogs entered, I think it’s funny that under “Sex:” it’s either “bitch” or “dog.”

"So, what sex is that poodle?"
"It’s a dog."
"Don't be an asshole, just tell me."

Here are some more names that were more ridiculous than most: Ch Yakee Leaving Me BreathlessAtFranshaw, Ch Sim-Pa Lea's Razzmatazz, and Ch Ale Kai Mikimoto On Fifth. What is the purpose of “On Fifth” in that name? Is Ale Kai Mikimoto really that popular of a name that you need to differentiate which street the dog is from? And then there’s my all-time favorite, Ch Clussexx Three D Grinchy Glee, which makes no sense whatsoever. Although at least that dog’s dad was named Three D Genghis Khan. If you lose the Three D, then Genghis Khan is, finally, a good name for a dog. I think if these people spent more time training their dogs and less giving them names, these dogs would be saving more drowning kids than if Lassie joined the Coast Guard. Or they'd be herding lots of sheep or whatever dogs are supposed to do.