Rant: I hate ads about surprise cars with bows

You suck, Lexus

So I hate ads about cars with bows. Supposedly, people buy a car for a loved one and surprise them with it, often involving some elaborate or (supposedly) cute trick, like kids opening a giant box or lifting a giant Christmas stocking to reveal the car with a giant bow. There's so many of these ads on TV, and they suck.

The entire premise is bogus. They're trying to make it seem like it's this common, normal thing, everybody gives surprise cars with giant bows -- but they don't. They're too big and complicated for that, there are so many decisions you'd need to make for it to be the perfect car for the recipient. It's hard enough to buy clothes as presents, but a car?

What if you spent $30,000 on a surprise car, but the person really wanted another car, or another color, or another year, or some other option you didn't get? You'd have to talk to the recipient endlessly about what they want in a car, and then it'd be pretty obvious that they're going to get a car, which would thus ruin the fun. You'd need to check all the different reviews of the cars too, but you wouldn't be able to tell or ask the person what the good things and bad things about the car are ahead of time.

And anyway, who spends $30,000 on a Christmas present? Or are they just marketing to rich people?

Why not just go to the dealership together and pick one out? The only time I'd ever think a surprise would work is for an old or classic car. This guy loves red '67 Chevy Impalas, so I bet he'd be happy with a present of one. However, all these ads are for new car surprises, not old ones.

The giant bows are also bogus. I don't think anybody actually puts a giant bow on their surprise car present, assuming they actually exist. And where would you even get one? There are some web sites, of course, but it looks like they're mainly aimed at car dealers. (Related, that website is for a company based in Wapwallopen, Pennsylvania. What a weird name.)

The entire premise is dumb. They're trying to create this fake tradition to sell cars. No thanks.

I Watch Every Ski Movie, Episode 3: Ski Wolf

so continuing my quest to watch every ski movie brings me to Ski Wolf. I've watched about a dozen and Ski Wolf is one of the worst.

It's barely a movie. It's basically a group of friends with a camcorder goofing around on ski slopes. In fact, there's not even an IMDB page for it, to show you how homemade it is.

The movie comes from Low Budget Pictures, which is sort of a knock-off (reallllly knock-off) Troma, with other titles like Teenape Vs. The Nazi Monster Apocalypse, Terror at Blood Fart Lane, Moist Fury, and so on. Some of the characters in Ski Wolf are in the other movies too. An example is Marge, a 20ish girl who wears 80s glasses, a wig, has a pillow under her shirt and talks in a weird voice. Apparently that's the character, not the character pretending to be in costume. Which gives you an idea of the level of this movie.

The plot, if you want to call it that, is that a few friends go to a ski resort somewhere to hang out with their uncle, who is clearly the same age as everybody else). The uncle is being forced to sell the place to a jerky guy. One of the friends turns into a wolf, who everyone thinks is awesome for some reason, and in the end he kills the jerky guy.

In between the guy turning into a wolf, a bunch of things happen for no reason. For example, a couple of ogre-looking guys show up for no reason and do nothing, a couple of bands play (including ska), and there's a very awkward 10-minute sex scene with the wolf and a woman, who are joined mid-way through, again for no good reason, by two of the other characters. (The Making Of feature on the DVD, which is longer than the movie itself, reveals the woman in the sex scene to be an internet porn star.)

And throughout the entire movie the characters do and say things that make no sense and usually aren't funny. My friends and I were saying "what?" "why?" and so on out loud about every 30 seconds

That's basically it. If you watch the Making Of (we were very bored) you sort of get the sense of the personalities of the people in it, which helps a bit, but still, it's really terrible.

That said, it's still better than Ski Trippin', at least because this movie used microphones and was fairly well-lit, and they actually ski (a little).

But really, don't watch it. The only way I can think think this would be watchable would be if you are under the influence of illegal drugs, but I would hope you have something better to do in that case. Like sleep.

And here's the trailer, for whatever reason.

Music Jam: Pomplamoose

so my friend Kate told me about this band, it's a unsigned duo from the Bay Area called Pomplamoose, a play on pamplemousse, the French word for grapefruit. They're kind of girly, but undeniably catchy and fun and stuff. And it helps that the lead singer has a great, jazzy voice and is pretty gorgeous. I bet so many dudes fell in love.

Here's one I like, and there a ton more on their Youtube page.



They do little stories after the songs too. Here's their Myspace, Twitter and Wikipedia page.

My new favorite record label: Turquoise Jeep

So my friend sent me this video, for "Lemme Smang It" by Yung Humma ft. Flynt Flossy. Amazing.



I like how the words appear on the screen in different fonts. One of the best Youtube comments is "dude's got permanent rapeface on." And the record label is called Turquoise Jeep Music. Amazing. (Flynt Flossy appears to be Charlie Murphy, Eddie's bro.)

They have a bunch of other awesome jams too. For example, "Sex Syrup" by Slick Mahony ft. Yung Humma:



"Cavities" by Flynt Flossy, Pretty Raheem, and Whatchyamacallit.



Love Pretty Raheem's hair.

"Fried or Fertiziled" is another good one, as is "Stretchy Pants." Here's the commercial for their album, which I will 100% buy.



Pretty much all the other songs are amazing too.

Carlos Allen: that's my jam

so this guy Carlos Allen is running for mayor of DC. He seems like a weird guy and he claims to be the "first Afro-Latino in history." Apparently his platform is that he stands near people:



Plus he crashed that White House party along with the Salahis:

My new favorite TV show

so here's my new favorite TV show. Apparently it was just a pilot, however.



Here's more about it.

Cereal

so here are a bunch of cereal commercials.











I ate all of these.

Chromeo and Daryl Hall: "Tenderoni"

so I'm going to see Chromeo today at the the 9:30 Club. Hopefully Daryl Hall will be there too:

I am bad to the bone

so last night I went to live band karaoke at Wonderland (a cool bar in my neighborhood, if you're not familiar.) I sang George Thorogood and the Destroyers' "Bad to the Bone." Unfortunately it doesn't sound too good on this cameraphone recording, but it was a lot of fun and I think people enjoyed it.

The drummer asked if I rehearsed and some random person said it was a skillful version, which is probably the first time my singing and skill have ever been used in the same sentence. I am terrible at singing on Rock Band, for example.

Anyway, prepare to have your minds blown:

Music Jam: Discovery - "So Insane"

so I found this MP3 on my iPhone and have no idea where it came from, but I really liked it. It's sort of a combination of Junior Boys, Passion Pit, and Ladytron, but with no cute Bulgarian girls. I couldn't find a real video, so all I have is this homemade one.



The band is made up of Rostam Batmanglij from Vampire Weekend and Wes Miles from Ra Ra Riot. There's more good songs on their Myspace, and check out the weird/cool dance videos on there also:

Music Jam: Miike Snow - "Animal"

so it's been awhile since I was into new music (or new to me, at least) but here's a jam I'm really liking lately: it's Miike Snow's "Animal." The band, pronounced "Mike Snow" is from Sweden, and they have one self-titled album.

It's catchy indie rock with some electronic flourishes, some harmonies and falsettos -- nothing revolutionary, just good stuff. Apparently they were producers for pop songs like Britney Spears' "Toxic" of all things, but you wouldn't get that from these songs at all.

Poo News is back

so in case you were wondering (and you probably weren't) I'm going to start writing the Poo News blog again -- your #1 source for #2 news. Hopefully I'll update it once a week. Check it out!

I Watch Every Ski Movie, Episode 2: Ski Trippin'

Uh oh so continuing my quest to watch every ski movie brings me to Ski Trippin'.

This one was a little different, in that the entire cast is black, while most ski movies are lily-white. Unfortunately, this movie is really, really bad. I should have known what to expect, however, because the previews before it included a movie starring Dr. Dre and Ed Lover, guys I last saw hosting MTV Spring Break maybe 15 years ago.

The movie seemed to be some kind of vanity project for some Philly radio people, but I hadn't heard of anybody who was in it: the top billed guys include Eddie Hustle, Joeyzaza, Poochman, and Cordele Taylor, all as themselves. What was odd was that some people appeared as their same names ("Snax as Snax"), but others were as themselves ("Tommy B as himself").

The plot of the movie, if you want to call it that, is that a radio station is holding a big concert at a ski resort near Binghamton, New York. After some random stuff happens that has no bearing on the plot, lots of people get on a bus and go to the ski resort. However, you wouldn't know it's a ski resort, as there is no actual skiing. In fact, you don't even see snow -- the entire movie takes place inside a hotel, which appears to be something sub-Holiday Inn, maybe a Super 8.

The movie is fantastically low budget, as they don't seem to have lights or microphones, so half the time you can't tell what's going on. There's some partying and such, and some nudity, but it's pretty creepy -- a guy is having a wet t-shirt contest in his bathroom and he gets kind of gropey. It's pretty gross.



Typical camera work The only funny part of the movie takes place when the character Snax sets up a convenience store in his hotel room, complete with a window he sits behind. The rest is either painful or incomprehensible -- there are way too many characters and I couldn't hear them half the time.

I'm pretty surprised this movie was available on Blockbuster's version of Netflix -- it's more like a group of friends made a home movie with a camcorder. Do not watch it under any circumstances.

Nu Shooz - "I Can't Wait"

so in case you were wondering, and you probably weren't, it's impossible to find a (legal) MP3 of the 80s song "I Can't Wait" by Nu Shooz.

Nu Shooz are a duo from Portland, Oregon and had a few hits back in the day, including "I Can't Wait." As for the name, I guess spelling things with Z's back then was cool -- just ask Split Enz.

I heard the song on a commercial and remembered it from somewhere, maybe my childhood. Shazam for my iPhone didn't figure out what it was, but after some Googling I found it. It's kind of an awesome song -- super 80s but charmingly so, with tons of synthesizers, samples, and an electronic pseudo-voice going "oh oh oh ohohoh." Then I wanted to download it but had no luck at all.

The band recently put out an unplugged album with a bunch of different jazzy versions, and I can find tons of karaoke ones on Amazon, but not the real one. Stinks. Here's the video.


Nu Shooz - I Can't Wait
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Extreme skiing!!!

So I went skiing in Virginia a few weekends ago with some friends. Here's what happened.

Snow

so the snow outside is perfect. It's soft and fluffy and sticky. It sticks to tree branches and streets signs and beards. It's quiet and gentle, but strong and dense. This is what all snow should be like.

Music Jam: Beck - "Steve Threw Up"

so this is an old Beck song that which was released on vinyl in limited quantities in 1994, and had a limited vinyl re-release in 2000. My friend had the record in about sophomore year of high school and I was a big fan, but I had mostly forgotten about it until I was working on the Buzz Bin page on Wikipedia. The song is about one of Beck's friends who threw up after taking LSD. Pretty good stuff.

And the backing band is That Dog, who had some minor success in the mid 90s are had a couple members in The Rentals.

It's not actually a video, but hey, enjoy.

Awards Shows

So I don't really get the point of awards shows. What does or matter if a movie you like (or don't like) wins an award (or doesn't)? Is it validation? Do people subconsciously want to get mad about the awards, to complain? My roommate said she likes to see the dresses, so I guess that's something, but otherwise I don't get it. Like what you like.

Ladainian Tomlinson is my new favorite football player

so I like funny athletes. Thus my new favorite.



My friend made the point that it looks like Eric Wareheim (of Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job!) made it. He might be the old guy with the wig.