5/23/2008

Baseball Stadium Names

so I was looking through my old emails and saw that I wrote this in 2004 - it's my suggestions for names for the Nationals' ballpark. It still kind of fits, since the stadium is currently called "Nationals Park." Here's what I wrote back in the day:

Baseball is returning to the District and with it comes a new stadium. And just like your garage band back in middle school, the first thing that stadium will need is a name. Here are a few suggestions for the future owners to consider.

Worldcom Park
: It was hip for a few years for dotcom companies to buy the naming rights of stadiums, like the Baltimore Ravens' Psinet Stadium. Psinet, whatever it was, went bust and the stadium was renamed. Worldcom Park honors the D. C. area's important role in the dotcom bubble while providing some funds for the team. (To be renamed MCI Park in three years or when they become solvent, whichever comes first).

Anthony Williams Field: the only major league park with a bowtie-shaped outfield.

Pete Rose Stadium: If Ronald Reagan can fire air traffic controllers and still get an airport named after him, why not a baseball stadium named for famous bettor Charlie Hustle?

Ballpark Franks Ballpark: Hot dog companies have deep pockets that plump when you cook 'em.

city living, DC style! Field
: Furthering our beloved motto by showing everyone how much fun industrial areas are.

Walter Johnson Stadium: Named for a famous local high school.

The Ballpark Not in Anacostia: Reminding jittery suburbanites where the stadium actually is (west of the Potomac) while teasing the Texas Rangers, who were the Washington Senators from 1968 to 1971. (Possible alternate: The Ballpark Not In Arlington)

Jumbo Slice Field: If the Real Jumbo Slice, Original Jumbo Slice, and Real Original Jumbo Slice chains pool their money, they may be able to come up with enough to memorialize their contribution to DC cuisine.

"Bitch Set Me Up!" Memorial Stadium: No explanation necessary.

And whatever names our future sports moguls choose, a Peter Angelos Memorial Port-a-John should be included.

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