7/03/2003

so i was thinking: what kind of stupid-ass candy is pixy stix? who was sitting around and thought "wow, I have this great idea! I'll get some sugar and put it in a paper tube! that's much more fun than just eating sugar packets, and i know everyone likes to do that! i'll be rich!" but then whoever controls the supply of the colored sugar stuff must be a billionaire, because it can't be that expensive to make, and i think it's the same stuff that sweet tarts are made out of, too. i wonder if there's an evil cartel that controls the world's colored sugar reserves, like debeers does with diamonds. or maybe it's the main export of some little country, like bird poo was for some pacific island:

swaziland, 1956: "ok mr. prime minister, our economy is in the crapper. we can either work to develop our tourist industry or supply the americans with colored sugar."
"well, tourists can go anywhere, plus no one has heard of our country anyway. however, i've heard of this new idea in stupid-ass candies, and some day they're going to need tons of multi-colored sugar! make it happen!"

or maybe there's an organization of colored sugar producing nations, like opec is for oil, and the sugar ministers get together every now and then to see how production is going and if they need to trigger a fake shortfall to increase profits. "oh no, there's been a monsoon in tahiti's pink and green sugar fields! we're going to have to raise prices!"

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