squidpants

so i decided to make a list of the best sports names ever, as in players, not names of sports, because tiddly-winks would win hands down, followed by jai alai. so anyway, here they are, according to me. feel free to submit some to me if i forgot anybody.

baseball:
baseball has lots of crazy names, probably because there are about a million baseball players. here's some i like:

Milton Bradley, cf, cleveland indians. Yes, like the board game company. Where are the Parker Brothers? He's actually pretty good, I guess he knows how to take Risks and when to say "Sorry!"

Coco Crisp, cf, also cleveland. I kid you not. What a goofy ass name. I mean, what are the odds your last name will be "Crisp", let alone your first is Coco. I think his first name is really something weirder, but hey, it's tough to top.

Connie Mack, manager, Pittsburgh Pirates and Philadelphia A's. You might ask why Connie Mack, the winningest manager in Major League history, is on this list: his real name is "Cornelius Alexander McGillicuddy", which I think is the most ridiculous real name ever. No wonder he dropped Cornelius McGillicuddy: it sounds like it's from that Simpsons episode and Homer was deciding rather to change his name to either Max Power, Hercules Rockefeller, Rembrandt Q. Einstein or Handsome B. Wonderful. I hear Connie was a big Simpsons fan.

Tim Spooneybarger, pitcher, Florida Marlins. I don't know what a "spooneybarg" is, but I guess his ancestors did it. You know like if your last name was Miller then I bet your ancestors milled stuff and if your last name was Wiseman then I guess you are a cool dude or something.

Catfish Hunter, pitcher, Oakland A's and the stupid Yankees. I like his name because it's a phrase, "what do you do?" "Catfish hunter." Plus, he was a good pitcher, although according to that article, he didn't get his nickname for any cool reason. And he was one of the first big name free agents, paid a ton of money to leave his team by who? The Yankees, of course.

Grover Cleveland Alexander, pitcher, Phillies, Cubs, Cardinals. A pretty funny name for this hall of famer from way back in the day, I think I am going to name my son "Chester Arthur Wiseman" or maybe "Franklin Pierce Wiseman."

But now, I need to get back to work. Here are some more funny ones I will get to when I can.

Buckshot Jones (Nascar, of course)
Dick Trickle (also Nascar, and best sports name ever)
Majestic Mapp (college hoops)
God Shammgod (college hoops)
Christopher Fuamata-Ma'afala (NFL, check out his ridiculous jersey. them's a lotta letters)