squidpants

so i have developed a theory about public transportation: that there are fewer hot chicks and more crazy people as you go out into the suburbs, which is kind of weird, since you'd think it'd be vice versa. for example, when i ride the bus in the morning from georgetown to the farragut north metro, there are always a billion hot girls on the bus. unfortunately, you can't really mack on chicks on a bus. "hey, you like that pothole, huh?" but then when i get on the metro, there are fewer, and the rest that are on usually leave the train at dupont or tenleytown or friendship heights (i ride the red line). i am sure it's the same way for the blue or other ones. then when i am in rockville, there is about one businessman on the train, an older lady or two, a smelly homeless dude, somebody talking to himself (usually the homeless dude), and a couple other random folks, plus no hot chicks. then when i am waiting for the bus, there are some hispanic people (not that hispanic people are unattractive, i am just saying who is there), some dudes with mullets, a smelly homeless person or two, a couple of older folks who work where i do, and every once in awhile, a special ed class. the homeless dudes are the funniest, i like to listen to their conversations while they are waiting for the bus. here's an actual one that i heard:

homeless dude: "hey, ain't you that lady that lives in the woods?"

homeless woman: "yah, i shore am. you's the guy that rides the train all day."

h.d.: "yup. so where in the woods you live?"

then they talked about where the woods were and where the cops are less likely to find them. actually i guess she wasn't homeless since she lived in the woods. or maybe "the woods" is a fancy subdivision. but anyway, i was always wondering why there were so many weird mullet guys who always got on and off at the same bus stop, and today i figured it out: there's a methadone clinic on my bus route. which is pretty funny, since it goes through nice neighborhoods in rockville. the neighbors must be pleased. when i heard the guy talking to himself, or possibly to me, about how he was about to get some methadone and how he looked forward to it, i started singing "johnny the methadone man" or whatever it's called by fastball in my head. so in any case, if you are determining where to take a job based on how many hot chicks are in the area, which is really the only deciding factor i can think of, then you should pick a job in downtown and not in rockville, where i have never seen a hot chick on my bus, ever.