so what I really hate is fruit on the bottom yogurt. That stuff sucks. For one, it takes hours to eat, because first you have to mix it up and try (unsuccessfully) to get all the fruit off the bottom. Then while you're mixing it, some always gets pushed over the edge of the little plastic cup and onto your pants or the table, so you've got a nice stain. And then when you finally get the fruit mixed in enough, it's still gross, because the fruit looks like colored sperm. That's a nice metaphor, huh? I think I'm going to use that one more often. Actually I guess not, since sperm isn't really chunky, unless you really need to see a doctor. Maybe it's like the insides of a tomato or pumpkin. that's better. And then the mixed yogurt has a gross consistency anyway, with random bits of squishy chunks, and when you finish eating, there's still a bunch of congealed fruit crap on the bottom of the cup. but at least it's not "Gogurt." Gee, I think we need more squishy food products in a tube, because I am tired of using utensils. It takes too much time to use a plate and spoon, I just want to squirt food into my mouth. Why don't we see more food like this? I wanna see "Gochili". Maybe I'll make that, and become a millionaire. That sounds alright.

so somebody on the train this morning smelled just like jack daniel's. it was pretty weird, i guess it was some sort of cologne? everybody on the train was all dressed for work and i didn't see any bums or anything. maybe somebody was doing shots at happy hour last night and forgot to change his shirt. i dunno though, it seems like you might not want to buy cologne that smells like alcohol.

"man, tom's a good worker, but he always reeks of alcohol."
"i think that's his cologne."
"oh, ok, and this red lipstick-looking stuff on my collar is from when i dropped a lollipop."

so i am getting pretty sick of the water cooler at work. it seems like the only time the tank gets changed is when i change it, everyone else in the office, probably 50 people, would rather sit and wait for the water to slowly drip into their cup than replace the jug. it's not like i know some amazing and difficult skill, you just pick it up and flip it on. anyone with the ability to lift 10 pounds can do it, and anyone with more coordination than manute bol can flip it into place. i think i am going to write a note offering training courses on how to replace the water jug. maybe i will print up certificates: "I, the undersigned, am no longer a lazy jackass." it's like i am some kind of provider, the god of water. "Here, my thirsty ones, come drink! Let me provide this water to you." "Oh thank you, water god." Now i just need to get some concubines and nymphs and stuff.

so i just discovered the funniest thing in the world: if you go to superpages.com's people search or to yahoo people search or something and look for the last name "butt." it's hours of fun. i was looking around new york city and found some of the best and awesomest and most ridiculous names ever, like "A. Butt" "Abdul Butt," "Charm P. Butt," "Farooq A. Butt" "C. Butt" "Hubert Butt" "Gull H. Butt" etc. God damn if that is not the funniest thing ever. an example. I haven't looked for "poop" or "boob" or "penis" but rest assured, that day will come.

so I don’t understand why so many coffee places seem to have enormous straws all of a sudden. The other day I got a smoothie at a place and the straw was twice as long as the cup, and today I got a blended coffee thing and the straw is probably two feet long, it looks ridiculous. I mean, besides reminding ladies of my anatomy (ho ho) what’s the point of these? I ordered a small smoothie, not a Super Big Gulp. But now I can drink while holding my cup at arm’s length! Yay! Is there suddenly a lot of people who are in casts or have arthritis and can’t bend their arms? Do running backs need to hold smoothies while stiff-arming people? I don’t get it. I guess it saves me money though, since even though I left my drink on the metro train, I can still drink it from my desk.

so i was just watching a commercial for lavalife, i think it was called, a dating phone line thing where you call in and talk to people. it was talking about the people supposedly on the system, like "steve has two left feet but he makes up for it with two left shoes." no actually it said "steve has two left feet but makes up for it with a love of cooking," "so and so is a marketing manager and makes friends fast, etc". then there was one, "dave (or some name i forget) is a doctor and loves the outdoors and romantic walks to the convenience store." what the hell does that mean? walking to the convenience store to buy condoms? it's not funny, and the announcer didn't say it with any hint of a joke. i don't see how that advertises your service at all. "ooh! guys who either want to have sex with me or are weird and think walking to the convenience store is fun! i want some of that!!"

so i dunno if anybody reads this, or if anybody plays video games, but after buying a couple of games recently for my playstation 2, i decided to review them:

first up is allstar baseball 2003: allstar baseball 99 for the N64 was a very good game with good graphics and lots of stats, even if it was pretty easy. however, this version just sucks. the batting is extremely difficult, even on the easiest possible settings, the pitching is boring, and the graphics are crappy, even worse than the N64, which is weird. in general, this game is just not fun, and i plan on taking it back today. the only decent thing is that there are some good options, like making an expansion team with an expansion draft, but you can only pick from a few cities and a few team names, and most of them are stupid, like "ruff puppies." what kind of stupid up person would want to name their team the ruff puppies? and there are no normal names, like senators or statesmen or anything like that, and you can't create your own. lame city. most of the other options are hard to use and confusing, and the menus are a pain in the ass, you have to push a million buttons. so in short, don't get it. i am going to look for high heat or world series 2k3 pretty soon, they appear to be better.

next: madden 2002: great football game, that's all there is to it. you can do all sorts of stuff with your team, get free agents, etc, although i'm not real sure how to use them, and the stuff about salaries are hard to figure out. but the gameplay and graphics itself are great, i have no complaints at all. so if you are looking for a cheaper football game (since this is a few years old) pick it up.

ncaa basketball 2k3: a very good college hoops game, but with some problems. the graphics are excellent, i've had friends come over and say "what game are you watching". the game has the espn license, so all of the real espn graphics and music are in the game, which is cool. recruiting is easy to learn and interesting to do, and lots of stuff is customizable. i really like franchise mode, where you start as a coach for a crummy school and try to move to better schools. however, there is a big problem: it's too easy. i have gone undefeated three times with loyola marymount on the hardest setting, which hasn't happened ever in real life (the last undefeated team was Indiana in 1976, and the University of San Francisco (no, honestly) had a winning stream last over three seasons from 1955 to 1957, thanks to future nba hall of famers bill russell.) the main problem is that it's way too easy to steal passes. i've had three players average more than 4 steals a game, which is incredible, considering the ncaa leader last year had about 3.5. also, it's too easy to get offensive rebounds and too hard to get defensive ones. and finally, three pointers and free throws are very hard to make, i've never had a player shoot better than 20% on threes or 55% on free throws. that said, it's still a really fun and realistic game, and i look forward to buying ncaa 2k4 when it comes out, as i've heard they made stealing harder.

well, hope this helps. it helped me avoid work for awhile. yay.

so the soap in the bathroom at work smells like aftershave. i wonder if they switched the bottles by mistake, since i've never smelled any soap that smells like aftershave. and whenever i shave my hands and wash them at work, they sting. weird.

so i just injured myself twice eating french fries. they are dangerous. first the crunchy end of one poked my gum and that hurt, then on the next fry i poked myself on the lip with the sharp end. yah.


also:

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so i was walking down the street the other day and passed these two women who were talking to each other, and one lady said "i am having sex for fish". which confused me. she didn't laugh when saying it, but she didn't sound angry either. so i am wondering what the hell she was talking about? i of course immediately thought "i have some bass" but i mispronounced it in my thoughts, like base, so i didn't say that. but is she going on a date with some rich dude because he's going to take her to a nice restaurant so she can get some fish, and then she'll have sex with him? is she having sex with an enviornmentalist? i don't understand this statement. if you have any ideas about it, email me. i need some suggestions.