so what I think is funny is when people add "-ology" to something to make it sound like a serious occupation. "mixology" is a good example, the "science" of making drinks. I mean, making drinks is definitely a skill, but I think it hardly qualifies as a science. I don't think there are too many graduate programs in mixology around, and it's not as if mixologists are discovering important new things. "The Nobel Prize goes to Chad Roccogrande from Big Ed's in Paramus, New Jersey for his discovery of how to mix Kahlua and schnapps." I play video games a lot, am I a videogamologist? The same thing goes for ufology, the study of UFOs. People definitely study that, but once again, not a science. and even if it is a science, i think they need a new name for it, since I think most sciences aren't just a word plus "-ology". It's called geology, not rockology.

so I got this junk email today with the subject "Make money in your underwear!" I assume this means that if you do whatever it is they are selling, you can make so much money at home that you won't even need to get dressed and you can sit around being lazy and getting rich. however, when i first saw it i thought that if you buy whatever they are selling, you can create dollar bills inside your underpants. or small change. this kind of worries me, as firstly i don't want to use counterfeit money, since i might get caught, and secondly, i don't want to handle money that was on someone's balls. or even worse areas, since either it would stink or i'd catch something. i mean, i would guess you'd do this while you're wearing them, since otherwise the underwear wouldn't really stand up, unless they were really dirty or frozen. and i assume this money would be counterfeit, as i've been to the mint and seen the big machines they use to make the money, and i don't remember seeing any people running around in underwear, unless maybe they were in a vault so no one kidnaps them. kind of like in "minority report," they are special mutant people who have a high tolerance for dying their privates. dying as in using dye, not as in killing, since i would assume most people have no tolerance for that. or then again, maybe this email is an ad for underwear modeling. in which case i think a better subject for the email would be "you are so attractive you ought to be an underwear model", since that sucks up to whoever is reading the email. and thank you, i have considered that in the past, but no one has approached me about it until now.

so call me immature, but i this map makes me laugh. check out the three street names just south of the red star. it could only be funnier if there were a "weiner blvd"

so everybody should download "camel toe" by fanny pack. i think both are two words. it's a funny song with a cool old school beat, and you can't go wrong with a band name like that. apparently the girls in the group are 16, 18, and 21, or something. so get it.

so i have a bit of a quandary at work - what do you do about making jokes with your boss? specifically, i was organizing a softball team for the company picnic, (being the important person that i am, i am only given the most important duties) and i asked the vice president of the group i work in, who's a pretty high-up guy, to be the captain. he declined, and so did a couple of other people above me, and then the v.p. suggested i be the captain, and said "don't worry, I won't hold it against you if we lose", which was pretty funny. but I didn't know how to reply. i thought of lots of funny stuff, such as "that sounds good, I have been watching a lot of ESPN recently" or "ok, but i would need an expense form so I could hire tommy lasorda as my co-captain." both of which (i think) are funny, but since he is the way-up boss and I don't really speak to him much, i don't know if he would appreciate the humor or think "I don't appreciate this kid's sarcasm" or something. so i erred on the side of caution and replied with "EAT SHIT!!!"

so i have developed a theory about public transportation: that there are fewer hot chicks and more crazy people as you go out into the suburbs, which is kind of weird, since you'd think it'd be vice versa. for example, when i ride the bus in the morning from georgetown to the farragut north metro, there are always a billion hot girls on the bus. unfortunately, you can't really mack on chicks on a bus. "hey, you like that pothole, huh?" but then when i get on the metro, there are fewer, and the rest that are on usually leave the train at dupont or tenleytown or friendship heights (i ride the red line). i am sure it's the same way for the blue or other ones. then when i am in rockville, there is about one businessman on the train, an older lady or two, a smelly homeless dude, somebody talking to himself (usually the homeless dude), and a couple other random folks, plus no hot chicks. then when i am waiting for the bus, there are some hispanic people (not that hispanic people are unattractive, i am just saying who is there), some dudes with mullets, a smelly homeless person or two, a couple of older folks who work where i do, and every once in awhile, a special ed class. the homeless dudes are the funniest, i like to listen to their conversations while they are waiting for the bus. here's an actual one that i heard:

homeless dude: "hey, ain't you that lady that lives in the woods?"

homeless woman: "yah, i shore am. you's the guy that rides the train all day."

h.d.: "yup. so where in the woods you live?"

then they talked about where the woods were and where the cops are less likely to find them. actually i guess she wasn't homeless since she lived in the woods. or maybe "the woods" is a fancy subdivision. but anyway, i was always wondering why there were so many weird mullet guys who always got on and off at the same bus stop, and today i figured it out: there's a methadone clinic on my bus route. which is pretty funny, since it goes through nice neighborhoods in rockville. the neighbors must be pleased. when i heard the guy talking to himself, or possibly to me, about how he was about to get some methadone and how he looked forward to it, i started singing "johnny the methadone man" or whatever it's called by fastball in my head. so in any case, if you are determining where to take a job based on how many hot chicks are in the area, which is really the only deciding factor i can think of, then you should pick a job in downtown and not in rockville, where i have never seen a hot chick on my bus, ever.

so i was goofing off at work and found this very funny Yinka Dare page. if you don't know, Yinka "The Stinka" Dare played basketball at GW from 1992-1994 before being drafted in the first round of the draft by new jersey. he proceeded to suck, and holds the NBA record for most minutes without an assist. he also air balled something like 6 straight free throws, which is pretty ridiculous. right now he's on the injured list for a team in the USBL, a crummy independent basketball league. but in any case, the page is way funny.

more yinka fun:
the USBL injured list page. see 4-30

Yinka's NBA stats. notice the 95-96 numbers: 626 minutes, 0 assists.

brief history of yinka's playing career.

so this is more a note to myself, but here are some concerts i wanna go to. i figure i should put them on here, otherwise i will lose the sheet of paper or email i wrote it on.

Black Cat, THUR MAY 15- MC PAUL BARMAN, JESSY MOSS, FISH MARKET $10 Mainstage 9:00
mc paul barman is a hilarious rapper, he raps about the weirdest stuff. download some of his stuff!

9:30 club Rooney & Feeder w/ AM Radio 6pm Doors FRI. MAY. 23 $10.00
feeder is one of those mid-90's alternative bands i like. they did "i'm going out for awhile, so i can get high with my friends," which i think is just called "high"

Black cat WED JUNE 11- ASH $12 Mainstage 8:30
ash is a cool brit-pop band i like a lot, i wrote about them earlier in the blog

SUN JUNE 22 - AMERICAN ANALOG SET, CALLA, PAUL NEWMAN $10 Mainstage 8:30
american analog set is this interesting band that plays slow sort of techno music, kind of like air, i guess. they are neat. i dunno the rest, though i am looking forward to buying some salad dressing from the other people playing.

so i was doing some work online the other day and found this address : "E 42nd Stra, Tucson AZ." I thought, "what the hell is a 'stra'?" it's not spanish, as spanish for street is "calle" and the other words that mean avenue and pass and such aren't like "stra" either. and senorita is "srta", not "stra." so i looked some more online and found this page, the postal service abbreviation list, which, if you go down to s, you see Stra is "Stravenue". I've never heard of a stravenue before, so I guess it's half street, half avenue, which doesn't make any sense, as an avenue is defined (on the american heritage dictionary on yahoo at least) as:

1. abbr. Ave. or Av. A wide street or thoroughfare.

2a. A broad roadway lined with trees. b. Chiefly British The drive leading from the main road up to a country house.

so a stravenue is half wide street (possibly lined with trees) and half not a wide street, not lined with trees? why not just call it avenue? i am sure that not every part of an avenue has trees or is wide. and in towns in lots of places, especially in texas, a "street" runs east-west, while an "avenue" runs north-south, or vice versa, whether or not they are wide or tree-lined. looking them up on a map, such as this one, they seem to be in the city and in no particular area, just sort of strewn around. i also think that "Cherrybell stravenue" is about the funniest and most made-up sounding street ever. it sounds like it's where strawberry shortcake or the my little ponies live. when i was looking around, i found another page where a postal worker asks "what's a stravenue?" so apparently even the postal workers don't know, and i was unable to find anything else explaining what it is. i expect to see an avenulevard next.

so i went to see ben kweller play the other day, and i have to say, it's pretty weird to get rocked by somebody who is younger than you. it was a good concert, but it was an interesting crowd. pretty much eveybody there was a high school girl, with a few boyfriends thrown in and a couple of high school dudes who wish they were ben kweller but were acting cool so nobody noticed they weren't. it was really amusing actually, all of the girls were obviously in love with him and were singing all lyrics, which is doubly odd in that i knew them too. so it made for an amusing experience, liking a concert while being surrounded by 17 year old girls infatuated with the musician. i saw a couple of people i knew and we were commenting on how everyone was looking enviosuly at our over 21 hand stamps. i would say that i was the oldest person there (since the folks i went with are younger than me) but that would be incorrect, because there were a lot of dads there, standing far enough away from their daughters to not incur a "god dad you are so annoying!!" but close enough to make sure that some bad punk d.c. dudes didn't hit on them. and dads, you were succesful.